Better on Paper

All around me, the air became heavy and stuffy. Their smiles wrapped around my neck, choking me as I strived to recreate their reflections. My head felt foggy at the sheer determination required to accomplish the mission ahead. 

It’s been done before though, is the soundtrack that kept replaying in my head. Over and over those words even began to haunt me, but better fear driving me than contempt.

“Hi”, she exclaimed, in the most inhumanly high pitch known to man. Imagine a pin dropping with a microphone attached to it. I shuddered at the surprise her tone left me with and within seconds transformed into the character I knew I needed to be.

Their perfect version of me. 

Eyelids shimmering with pink sparkles that yes if I paused and looked down, you might be able to see your reflection in. Lips plump and pouty ready to kiss…no one, focus, this is a recruitment for a sorority, we haven’t made it to spring formal just yet! Eyebrows arched with precision, with just enough Kendall Jenner-ness to make me look cool girl mysterious and not 90s makeup unapproachable unfriendly black hottie. Just so you know I prefer the latter but our target audience is team karjennian.

Outfit of choice? A last season Zimmerman, enough beauty to make you quietly gasp but not new enough for you to feel intimidated. I had to make them want me to be one of them but not feel threatened. This was the hardest part. The “extraordinary” trade in for uniformity. The removing of me before entering any room and instead becoming she. Their pet, their play thing, jester, whatever you want to call it. But emphasis on the loss of identity and self importance. 

A sacrifice for a desired way of life in this small land we know as college.